19 – Flat Earth Theory Fuckery

January 23, 2017

Welcome to a Flat Earth Society edition of Timesuck! Think the Earth is a floating disc being propelled upwards by something you can’t define? Think gravity is a myth? Do you have no respect for science in general and/or empirical evidence? Well, then I hope you have a thick skin because Iย take a big factual dump all over your silly beliefs. Find out why your world only makes sense when it’s round in this chock-full of mockery episode of Timesuck!

(Pictures: Flat Earth Map from 1893 on left, StateoftheNation.com’s photoshopped pic making fun of The Flat Earth Society on the right)


  1. Pete Sciarrino says:

    Hey Dan, this episode is my favorite so far! Keep it up man. In the alien abduction episode, maybe you should talk about sleep paralysis? I have it almost every night and I think it could explain people’s alien abduction stories.

  2. KDMK1DD Alex says:

    Hey dan let me know when your comming to florida.. im seeing quite a few comedians come here… where are you.. time suck is awesome and id love the in person..

    1. KDMK1DD Alex says:

      I hit done before i was done๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ˜‘but yea live the content.. my girl and i love it… keep it up.. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

      1. KDMK1DD Alex says:

        Love** damn these tiny keys!!

      2. admin says:

        Haha. Thank you much!! Glad you both enjoy it. I love making these. Hope you keep listening and spreading the word!

    2. admin says:

      Thanks so much! I’m headed to Orlando later this year. And I think Tampa. I post tour dates at http://www.dancummins.tv – hope you can make a show!

  3. KDMK1DD Alex says:

    Ha spelled my onn name wrong.. JDMK1DD

    Public schools? Lol

  4. Chris Dyer says:

    Thank you so much for all of your podcasts! I cannot thank you enough for them. I also listen to and read a lot of cracked.com podcasts/articles, I think you would would be a great contributor as you’ve covered a lot of the same topics. Thanks again for entertaining and more importantly educating me.

    1. admin says:

      Thanks Chris! That’s a great idea about Cracked. I haven’t looking into that. So glad you like the podcast!

  5. Megan says:

    There’s a Reddit community that believes this. When I found it I laughed so hard.

    1. admin says:

      Hahaha! I so love weird people and the crazy shit they get into.

  6. Isabella R. says:

    I adore these. They absolutely make my day, and give me something to look forward to. Thanks for putting in the time to make these! (You might want to look in to the death of Elisa Lam, man. It’s some terrifying crap.)

    1. admin says:

      Thank you Isabella! So glad you really like them and I’m adding Elisa Lam to the list. Don’t know that one!

  7. Austin Swietlik says:

    Hello Dan, I’m a HUGE fan love all your work. finding this series a month ago. I have been catching up and finally I can give forth my Idea. I would really like to see an episode about Men in Black, not the movie but the real deal. there is a ton of stuff out there. eye witness stories and even videos of what people believe to be real Men in Black. they are still very shady and have a huge LONG past and it gets pretty weird. Hope you read this and pick my topic sometime soon!

    Thanks for your obsession with the weird and strange. Love the podcast!!

    1. admin says:

      Thanks Austin! I really appreciate it man. The real Men in Black is a fascinating topic. Thanks for sharing it! Definitely adding that one to the list.

  8. alex elliott says:

    hay dan u should make an episode on the stupid people who think videogames are hurting us as people this came up on ted talks and i think it’s something that we can all learn from :D.

    1. admin says:

      Thanks for the topic Alex! I’ve added it to the list. And thanks for listening!

  9. Kevin says:

    I just found this podcast the other day and I can’t get enough of it.

    Just a quick snippet from the theflatearthsociety.org:

    “The Flat Earth Society, along with previous notable flatists such as Samuel Shenton and S. Rowbotham, believe there is no end to the Earth and that it continues indefinitely. The only edge to the earth is the one you are standing on. Some math describing this can be found in our blog article The Mathematics of an Infinite Earth”

    So it’s either a giant ice wall protected by NASA or the earth actually never ends.
    Also, I tried to look at their theory of infinite earth math but their website was hacked.

    1. admin says:

      Haha. Yeah, even the Flat Earth believers can’t agree on how it all works. Thanks for sharing this – it’s even more absurd than the ice wall!

  10. Round5ever says:

    Nobody’s is actually a contraction of nobody has. She forgot the apostrophe.

    Maybe you can do an episode on fuck head know-it-alls and grammar Nazis. Or is it Nazies? I don’t fucking know.

    I would love to hear an episode on Trump and your predictions for his presidency based on his past and the moves he’s made in the past few weeks. No one wants to talk with me about it, or they agree with him.

    You’re one of my absolute favorite comedians and I can’t wait to see you live some day! I only have Dave Chappelle under my belt. You’re next mother fucker.

    1. admin says:

      Haha. Thank you. I hate it when I get grammar shit wrong. I have to Google grammar stuff all the time to remind myself what’s right. Definitely doing a Trump episode down the road. Want to see what happens first with his first few months in office. Thanks for listening to the podcast!

  11. Dakota says:

    NASA is a United States government institute…. wouldn’t Russia and China be like. “ummmmm, thats not true”
    so even if the earth was flat and NASA was making all this up, those countries would prove this false right?

    1. admin says:

      Exactly. SO MANY HOLES in the NASA conspiracy. We’d know if there was an ice wall. This isn’t the Matrix.

  12. Nemo says:

    “When’s the future ever what you think it’ll be?” – BOB

    So….I had a long think about this statement. I’m not sure why, but initially I was giving the BOB benefit of the doubt on this phrase being something more meaningful and zen like “If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”, or “Man who stands on toilet seat is high on pot”.

    I thought so much about this wonderfully artful comment on life and the human condition, that over the course of 20 minutes my nose started to drip with what I later found out to be dark red blood, and a strong steady throbbing pressure manifested behind my left eye. It took about 3 to 4 hours for the symptoms to finally go away…surprisingly quickly cracking open and reading one of my tomes on Linear Algebra helped quell the pain immensely.

    Dan, why are there so many people that believe this…like more than one? I’ve already reconciled that we have a lot of idiots (thanks, episode 16), but this I feel has almost pushed me over the proverbial edge. I would’ve gone all the way over if it were for that damned Illuminati-Lizard Man-L.Ron.Hubbard Ice wall that keeps us cozy here in the universe.

  13. Justin Addington says:

    If they prove you and I wrong, please have them send your @$$ shoving pic to me as well and I will also participate in a shoving along with a couple others that ive convinced to listen to your podcast along with this episode for if this is real and they have had the misfortune of being ridiculed by the likes of me and my friends when we wouldn’t even believe the genius of B.O.B. and Shaq then I guess we deserve to be punished in some way. Who are we to deny the scientific prowess of the legendary Ms. Tiquilla I mean. I guess some kind of humam centipede shoving is in order. Sorry if I got a little too ridiculous. Anyway, I love your podcasts. They just get better and better. You ate the best. Enough with the fuckery of these loonies.

    1. admin says:

      Haha. Thanks Justin! Appreciate being willing to join in on the ass bet. It’ll be a rough day for us all if NASA has truly been guarding some flat earth ice wall all this time.

  14. The Ultimate Flat Earth Map is Collection where you can find at EARTHMEASURED

    1. admin says:

      This link is fantastic. Thanks for sharing!

  15. Connie McDevitt says:

    I find it interesting that on the home page for the flat earth society they call it “Alternative Science”. I do believe we know the source of alternative facts. How did we get from alternative meaning other possibility to bold face lie?

    The president of the group has traveled to world! Not sure if you noticed, on the website, you can submit a request to interview any of the flatists as they have discussions all around the plane! Hahaha. The website itself is a great joke. So happy I checked it out with this podcast!

    1. Connie McDevitt says:

      It gets even better! There are no resources other than maps! Their whole featured articles sections is just a bunch of maps from over the years depicting or related to a Flat Earth. This is fantastic, horrible for the gullible folk of the human race, but pretty damn amusing for the rest of us.

    2. admin says:

      Glad you were as entertained as I was, Connie!

  16. The Flat Earth Map is Collection of flat map where you can find at EARTHMEASURED

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